Vacation Masochism

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The husband and I spent the entire the week of the 4th of July avoiding real life vacationing in mountainous Colorado, the state created for people addicted to exercise active individuals. Aside from the days spent dozing while David drove driving to and from, I completed some sort of physical activity every day. Because apparently I hate myself so much I don’t deserve a break. Even on vacation.

On Tuesday we hiked the “Dike Trail.” So named because it climbs to the top of a rock formation called a dike that protrudes from the surrounding ground. Not due to a large population of lesbians in the area. Political correctness people, geesh. Overall, we hiked  5 or 6 miles round trip and climbed a total of 300 feet. At the top of the trail, the rocks flattened out for a gorgeous overlook down a deep valley at the feet of the White Peaks. Some of us stupider braver individuals struck out into the surrounding forest and scaled a different part of the dike, offering the view of a more terrifying, sheer drop-off into the abyss. The sight was stunning, after I regained the ability to move.

Crazies at the tip-top of Dike Trail

Ever labor under the delusion you are in great shape? To shatter this illusion, travel to a location 7,500 feet higher than you live and run 1.2 miles. That is how I celebrated the 4th of July. By gasping oxygen-depleted air for 8 minutes and 45 seconds, followed by 10 more minutes of wheezing and wondering why running a race at 8,650 feet up sounded like a good way to start the day.

You’re all number 1!

On our third day of vacation, my mother and I rode horses for 2 hours. If you’re looking for an amazing inner thigh and glute workout that won’t allow you to sit down for days, a 2-hour trail ride is for you!

Our ultimate self-loathing fitness achievement of the vacation occurred on our last day in Colorado. A hike up West Spanish Peak totaling 7 miles roundtrip and gaining almost 2,400 feet in elevation. For the last, trail-less mile of the hike, we scrambled up loose rock piled at a 45-degree angle. From car to summit took 3 hours. We some people say we’re pretty psychotic badass for completing it.

Clockwise: All 7 of us at the summit, The Husband during the last mile before the summit, West Spanish Peak from the trailhead

So, besides bragging on my inability to just freaking chill, what’s the point of this post? (Kiya scrambles frantically, checking notes, papers flying) Ah, that’s right!

Tips for incorporating exercise on vacation:

  • Take advantage of opportunities not available at home: Turns out, Kansas City doesn’t have many mountainous hiking trails. So we hit those hard. Does your vacation location provide unique opportunities? Swimming in a fresh spring, sunset yoga on the beach, zip lining through a jungle, dancing at a local bonfire. Try out things you can’t find at home. If your home includes any of those activities, I’m your new best friend.
  • Ditch the gym: Instead of a workout, try a playout. Go walking through museums, beaches, shopping malls, city streets, anywhere you won’t get shanked and lose your wallet. If you’re set on traditional workouts, try a nontraditional setting. A jog through the forest, pushups in a grassy meadow, chin-ups on crosswalk signs.
  • Enjoy rest and relaxation: Allow your body a break from your regular routine. Take this time to refuel  and unwind. We stay fit so that we can better enjoy life, right? Wrong! Wait, what? So enjoy it! And remember, after a long day of vacation workouts or lack thereof, be sure to replenish your body’s carbohydrates with a tall, cold brewski or five.

What is your vacation exercise philosophy? Leave it out? Work it in? Think I included enough photos of me in the gorgeous Colorado countryside? Because I’m not quite sure I did.

360 view from West Spanish Peak summit

6 thoughts on “Vacation Masochism

  1. Allison Gullborg

    All the activity really did MAKE the vacation! Heck,, just walking back & forth between the cabins at 9000 feet was a lung-fest. I’m not sure if the horseback ride or river rafting was my fav. We’ll have to do this again!!

  2. Kelsie Richter

    Not nearly enough photos love!
    This has me laughing out loud, missing my family wonderful family, and wishing I was hiking in the mountains RIGHT NOW! (with an oxygen mask!!)

  3. Love this post… the pictures! The inspiring feats! The humor!

    Plus, if you ever want a 2nd career in writing lesbian orgy porn, just change the spelling and you’re already on your way. “Some of us braver individuals struck out into the surrounding “forest” and scaled a different part of the dike, offering the view of a more terrifying, sheer drop-off into the abyss. The sight was stunning.”

    Oh dear, did I just write that out loud?

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